Commentary Archives - Page 3 of 72 - Mothering in the Middle

Seasons Change and So Do WE!

by Wendy Sue Noah

“Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.”

Stephen Hawking

Happy Autumn! Though it is still a bit too hot here in too sunny Los Angeles, I can still feel the change in the air, and in my heart.

Seasons are Mother Nature’s way of revealing how change is a natural part of life, and so very necessary, as well. Then, why is it that so many of us are afraid of change, especially since change usually equals growth?

For me, the only constant, amidst constant change, is my faith. With faith in my heart, all the changes around me don’t affect me on any level. That, I find, is the best way to deal with the fact that everything changes, and that I have no control over external change – only my inner self. […]

When Kids Sabotage Themselves

by Barbara DiGangi

Sabotage – [sab–uh-tahzh, sab-uh–tahzh] /ˈsæb əˌtɑʒ, ˌsæb əˈtɑʒ/

noun: 1. any underhand interference with production, work, etc., in a plant, factory, etc., as by enemy agents during wartime or by employees during a trade dispute. 2. any undermining of a cause. verb (used with object), sabotaged, sabotaging. 3. to injure or attack by sabotage.

Have you ever been so close to a goal with your child only to be disappointed?

What about finding that new toy or electronic completely broken hours or days later? A privilege at home or school taken away?

You may be finding yourself thinking – is this a joke? Why does everything seem to result in FAILURE?! […]

The Delicate (And Sometimes Painful But Growth-Producing) Art of Co-Parenting

by Lynn Reilly

On the eve of what would have been my 15^th wedding anniversary, I’m thinking about how I felt on the night before my wedding.

I remember vividly how excited I was to marry my long-time friend. It felt completely right to be laughing with him, eating dinner surrounded by our family and friends, ready to cheer us on as we began our new life. Not only was I in love, but I was full of hope for the promise of what was before us. There was no hint of the idea that this type of love would not last forever.

Fast forward to this afternoon – leaving work in a hurry to meet the bus at my house to pick up my son at drop off and race to my daughter’s soccer game. I was looking forward to it as it was the first I’d been able to attend in two weeks. On the ride there my son asked, “Will Daddy be there?”

“I don’t know Buddy,” I replied not giving it much thought. We hadn’t discussed it during our hurried text conversation of who was picking up who within the last couple days and at that particular moment, he was on my nerves. We’d had a disagreement only days before, so his presence at the game was not on my mind. […]

I Need Movie Theatre Seating (A Commentary By the Mid-Life Mr. Mom)

by Marc Parsont

As parents, we’re spending all this time worrying about not keeping score at our kid’s games; being supportive, not yelling, having fun at sporting events, etc. – so much so that we have ignored our most basic needs—of us, the parents.

Why do we watch the games on television rather than go to the game? It’s not just because some of us need to be near the restroom. It’s more basic than that. We’re sitting on bleachers, wood, metal, itchy grass. We’re subject to searing cold and blazing hot days. Even the ides of any month would be bearable if we just had movie-theater seating at all the games.

At this point in my (mid) life, give me a cushy seat, a Dolby stereo surround sound speaker system, basic food stuffs, a little petit cru and some Brie, for example. I can watch any game, no matter how long, cold or wet it is. We could add a lightning rod, a wet bar and cheer our kids on until dark or the booze ran dry. (I’d prefer to keep it inside, I must admit, but it all works.) […]

Why Are Our Children’s Issues Held With Such Secrecy and Shame?

by Nicholas D'Ambra

“I hate myself. I can’t do it. I’m no good at it. Everyone else can do it and I can’t.”

When I picked my son up from kindergarten many months ago, he uttered those first four sentences. I was driving, so I pulled over to try to understand what he was talking about and find out why he was so upset.

With tears streaming down his face and my heart sinking fast, he told me that the other kids in his class could write words and he could not. I told him we would work on it together and he would be able to write words, too. I took a piece of paper from my glovebox and wrote ‘I Love You’ on it and I brought it to him in the backseat. I went over each word with him. Over and over. And over. […]

Life in Reverse – Entering the Work Force at 60

by Lydia Chiappetti

Next year’s birthday will be the Big One – 60! While everyone at this age is winding down, I’m revving up. I’m planning on going back to work after being unemployed for…forever. Let’s just say that big hair and suits with shoulder pads were in fashion the last time I was steadily employed.

There have been numerous paying jobs and volunteer activities over the last twenty-five years, but nothing that would indicate a career path. My resume looks like a schizophrenic on steroids: Parent Association President, Campaign Assistant for Gubernatorial Election, Associate Editor for Poetry Press, ESL Teacher. Is there a pattern there? No, just jack of all trades, master of none.

Why didn’t I work steadily all those years? I had my excuses: Monday through Friday, I had the sole responsibility of caring for the children. In addition to long distance trips, my husband worked in the World Trade Center – two hours round trip from home. After 9/11, he commuted weekly to another state for almost a decade.

My plan to find a full or part-time job was thwarted by the twenty-mile round trip drive to a school in another town. Instead of seeking out a paying job, I filled any free hours with volunteer activities, all very fulfilling at the time. […]

Autumn Musings

by Nancy LaMar-Rodgers

In Love With Death

Fifteen years ago, I was talking to a woman at a party who told me she absolutely hated the Fall season. No bones about it – she loathed it and would never feel any different, no matter how many picture perfect postcards you could wave of New England’s vibrant color change.

To this day, this mystifies me. My favorite month of the year is October. I am invigorated from October 1^st till well after the Christmas holidays. The month of October rejuvenates my spirit and I believe that the air I breathe in during that month sustains me for the rest of the year.

This same woman told me that the only thing she felt during the fall was the impending notion of winter. It was as if on exactly September 21^st, her bones began to brace themselves for all things cold. At the time she had two small children and I asked her if the kids liked jumping in piles of leaves, apple picking, or of course, the thrill of Halloween. She told me that she didn’t do leaf piles(there might be ticks) and yes she did Halloween but it was generally in a safe place like the mall. […]

Teens and Hate – A Scientific Life Lesson

by Christy Stansell

You know what I HATE the most? I hate hate. And, I REALLY hate it when my children say they hate something. In fact, I hate it so much that I hate to even write this.

I hate it when people say, “Don’t you hate it when….” I hate that there is hate in the world that causes me to have to write about hate to help people see why it doesn’t even make sense to hate anything. OK. Enough. Blech! I think you get the point.

Here’s what has me riled up:

The other day, my 8^th grade daughter was getting herself ready for school. I’m proud of her because, until now, I’d have to get up early to make sure she’s out of bed in time.

[…]

We Love Vans (A Commentary by Mr. Mom)

by Marc Parsont

It is not true that men don’t love mini-vans. Someone needs to straighten out the record. We fear what mini-vans represent, toting kids hither and yon, the words, “Are we there yet,” and “I have to go to the bathroom.” (and our impending death).

Mini-vans save the backs of millions of men annually. Those cute little cherubs fit tightly, snuggly and comfy in SUV’s at the loss of our ability to move our torso or even sit upright, our current version of lifting a calf over our heads until it becomes a cow.

It is true that men approaching middle-age prefer not to be caught either riding or driving a van. This response makes good sense; not because of mid-life crises, but because our bodies require more vertebral support. We need the space and the view. […]

6 Great Tips for Stepfamilies/Co-Parents to Navigate Back-to-School (Madness)

by Trisha Ladogna

For many families the start of the school term and the return to school is a looming presence that generates a sense of palpable unease. The back-to-school madness, coupled by parents who operate from two separate homes juggling their respective household’s needs, brings with it a unique set of challenges.

The pressure of organizing enrollments, purchasing of school equipment and supplies and selecting and confirming extra circular activities can exacerbate simmering tensions and ignite old debates between separated parents about finances, about who did more, who did nothing or who doesn’t do enough.

The key to limiting back-to-school madness and a successful school year for parents, stepparents and children, ultimately comes down to two things: civility and effective communication between everyone involved – between parents, children, stepchildren, ex-spouses and new partners, teachers and administrators. All of whom, although in particular parents and stepparents, are integral parts in ensuring the kids’ academic success and emotional wellbeing. […]