Commentary Archives - Page 29 of 72 - Mothering in the Middle

What’s Missing in Our Children’s Books (A Commentary)

by Carly Seifert

I am visiting my brother at his apartment in downtown Los Angeles. My two children and I are on our way down to our car to drive up to the Valley for the day so they can meet their two cousins — bilingual twins of Mexican descent — for the first time.

We step into the apartment elevator and make conversation with a friendly Jewish Rabbi, who is on his way to a conference. We are soon joined by two chatty African American teenagers, who fawn over my African American son’s dimples, much to his delight. When we reach the parking garage, there are two Asian American women in suits getting into the car next to us, discussing a legal case that one of them is representing.

I love the diversity we experienced in those five minutes. […]

Spring is in the Hair

by Maggie Lamond Simone

My house, to me, is like my hair. For the most part, it’s clean; it’s just usually . . . disheveled. Tousled. Windswept, as it were. It’s got a carefree, playful look. Sassy, even. Some days I might forget to comb it, and for special occasions I might add a little style, but in general, I just throw a big ol’ hat on it and hope for the best.

Yes, I am not what you would call a neatnik. My husband calls me the Clutter Queen, and it was not without some irony that I married a man whose only truly pushable button is, yes, clutter. His dream house would be a vacant building. He believes that anything designed for storage, from the kitchen counters to the hall closet to the basement, is specifically designed for the storage of air. […]

Q&A with Faydra Koenig – America’s Divorce Coach

Dear Reader: We’re pleased to present our newest contributor – Faydra Koenig, who will be available for any questions and/or issues you might have. Please forward any questions to midlifemothers@gmail.com. She will be happy to help you!

Q- Faydra, my husband left me and our young son for another woman. I feel so many emotions inside including anger, betrayal and insecurity. What is the first step for me? – Sarah from Oregon

Faydra- Sarah, first off let me say that I am so sorry that this is your current reality. I understand how you are feeling and want to encourage you to consider a few things as you move through these initial few months.

First off, infidelity rarely has to do with your adequacy as a wife, woman or mother. Studies have shown that men and women who cheat on their spouses were rarely seeking to hurt their spouse. Most often, people cheat because there are unresolved issues plaguing them and the cheating becomes an escape. Second, if you live in a state that has a no-fault divorce ruling, you will not be entitled to any sort of advantage during your proceedings because your spouse cheated. Many people feel they are entitled to more because they are the victim of infidelity. Last, it may be difficult to keep your emotions in check right now. Please engage with someone who has the training to help you keep your head and make important decisions. […]

Fighting Under-Eye Aging

by Deatra Haime Anderson

One of the first places to show aging is under our eyes. Wrinkles, lines, discoloration and puffiness are giveaways. And while nothing (including surgery!) will give us 20-something skin again, there are ways to minimize the impact and renew the vibrancy under our eyes.

Fortunately, you don’t have to go far to start treating under eye issues. There are solutions right in your cupboard:

TEA – Caffeinated teas can constrict blood vessels and reduce swelling, while chamomile tea can soothe redness and inflammation. Soak two tea bags of your choice of tea in hot water for a few minutes. Let cool until the bags are slightly warm. Lie down, close your eyes, place a tea bag over each eye and relax for 10 minutes or so. You can also refrigerate the bags after you’ve steeped them, which is especially refreshing when you need a pick-me-up. […]

10 Things Not to Say to a New Older (Midlife) Mother

by Cyma Shapiro

Women choosing motherhood over 40, 45 and 50 still remain in the minority, especially in certain geographic locations. Although new older parenting is increasing incrementally, women choosing motherhood at later (and later) ages are often the butt of jokes and the recipient of rude, politically incorrect, and sometime insulting comments.

My primer, below, should make it easier for those who are inclined to comment (on any aspect of this fact). Consider the power of words, even if well-intentioned:

1) “Are you the Grandmother?”

Unless you need to ask this to determine whether an AARP card is applicable, or to somehow confirm lineage, don’t even ask. Not only is this a painful question for any woman/mother over 40, but if applied incorrectly, it’s an insult to the children who are usually listening. Think about the overall cost/benefit of asking this question, especially if little ones are in tow.

2) “How old were you when you had/adopted your child?”

Is this your business?

3) “Do you know how selfish you are?”

This references the fact that I may die long before I get to experience my children’s milestones, and my children will be left motherless. However, people die at every age. Long life is not a surety for anyone.

4) “Why would you have/adopt a child at your age?”

Why not?

5) “Wow…..that’s so….great!” (Or) “Good for you!”

What’s so great about it, and why is this good for me?

6) “Really??”

Yes, really.

7) “Is this your first marriage?”

What does that matter?

8) “When do you plan to retire?”

The answer to this is a definitive “never.”

9) “You have a what?” (In answer to the question about the ages of your children).

How can I help you?

10) “It seems like a lot of […]

Working Hard to Stay at Home

by Amy Wright Glenn

I wish I had known how much I would love being a mother.

How could I have anticipated the depth of this love?

My heart opens with wonder when I watch my two-year-old son lift his arms, snap his fingers, and sway to music. Any music. We could be in the check out line at Walgreens and if he hears music, he lifts his arms in praise.

Oh, the world is good to him. Despite the little, blue bruise on his forehead from a sad encounter with the edge of an antique bureau, it’s a loving world overall. I am forever grateful for the opportunity to be a gentle and consistent source of kindness as he learns to speak, share, swim, and jump. May he internalize my love and bring it forth as an inner light in days to come, days when I am no longer by his side to wipe away the tears of sad encounters. […]

Planning for the Future

by Marc Parsont

Radio Frequency Identification Chip

We have been told that every age has its positive and negative notes. If this is true, then I have been rooked. The stress is turning my hair gray and my otherwise sunny, warm disposition blue.

The whining is unbelievable for two children nearly six and seven years old, respectively. They must have learned how to whine from: the television, their mother, my mother and her mother, their friends and from some genetic defect not yet identified. Of the two, my daughter whines the loudest.

I was an angel, of course. […]

Third Daughter

by Hanni Beyer Lee

She is my fourth child and my third daughter. She holds a special place in the order of the family. She is my last child. The others are grown or grown enough to be out of the house. She is the child I long to be closer to. She is the child who pushes me away and the child who needs me the most.

In 1981, I gave birth to my son. I was 23 years old and single. In 1995, I married and at 48, in the prime of mid-life motherhood, I traveled to China to bring home my third daughter. Mei Mei means little sister in Mandarin. I traveled with my two older daughters, also adopted from China. We were a fearless bunch maneuvering our way through Hefei, the city where my third daughter is from; all speaking Chinese together and attracting a crowd wherever we went. […]

Three Short Tales

by Aviva Luria

Dead Thing

Have you ever been sitting somewhere in your house, somewhere you can’t simply move from at will, and noticed something creepily unrecognizable under the sink? It’s drenched in shadow and you can’t be sure what the heck it is: is it or was it once alive?Perhaps, you tell yourself, it’s just an oddly-shaped dustball. But no—it appears almost worm-shaped.

How did it get there? Is your child in danger? When you finish what’s necessary, you’re going to have to deal with it—are you up to the challenge? Is this Thing going to scare you out of your wits? Undermine the confidence in the cleanliness and pest-free state of your house? Your abilities as a mother?

Fortunately, you have a roll of paper towels within reach. (Although you’re aware they’re ecologically unsound, you haven’t been able to give them up just yet.) You tear one off and fold it, readying it for whatever’s waiting for you in the shadows. And when it’s time, you kneel on the rug to get a closer look and realize that it’s not about to strike out at you, that it never was a mobile organism, that it is merely a bit of dried-up foliage that undoubtedly stuck to someone’s shoe and got deposited there. So you scoop it up in the paper towel, toss it out, and forget about it entirely. Until, that is, the next time.

So… has this happened to you?

Me neither. […]

Books for Adoptive Moms and Their Children

by Carly Seifert

As I navigate this crazy journey of being an adoptive mother, I have found that books have been one of my most valuable resources. For me — books are what give me guidance, sanity and a little bit of solidarity. For my kids — books help them feel empowered as they grasp unique situations and concepts.

I’d like to share with you some of my favorite books that focus on building a connection with your child as you celebrate their stories and uniqueness:

1. The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis: Since I can’t have the Wise and All-Knowing Dr. Karyn Purvis following me around my house and helping me deal with every situation, this book is the next best thing. If you read no other book about adoption, READ THIS ONE. It will help you build compassion and connection (hence the title) with your child.

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