Adoption Archives - Page 2 of 5 - Mothering in the Middle

Celebrating Our 4th Familyversary
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Celebrating Our 4th Familyversary

Adoption, Commentary, Daily Living, Mothers Over 40

Celebrating Our 4th Familyversary

by Melanie Elliott

I truly can’t believe it’s been 4 years since The Littlest E became our son. Where did all the time go? I’m sure most parents feel the same way when celebrating their child’s birthday, along with tremendous joy and gratitude. As an adoptive parent, I get to celebrate the birth of our son, and the birth of our family, our Family Day.

I hope I never forget what life was like before The Littlest E came home with us, so that I don’t lose the gratitude I feel everyday that I get to be his Mom. Adoption is a gift, one that I cherish with my very soul, for without that gift, my life and my husband’s life would be drastically different. […]

Back-to-School, But Why?
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Back-to-School, But Why?

Adoption, Commentary, Daily Living, Rituals & Spirituality

Back-to-School, But Why?

by Austin Wimberly

The end of summer approaches, and vacations that took months of planning are now nestled in camera rolls of our iPhones. The baseball season that began with hope for every team now holds promise for a remaining few. And, the season for summer squash and tomatoes is coming to a close. But, as with all things in life, the end of one chapter marks the beginning of another. With the coming fall, we look forward to football, the changing of the leaves, and school.

It’s natural to be nostalgic at the beginning of the school year. The next incremented grade is a hard number that reminds us that our little ones are taking slow but inexorable steps towards adulthood. For some of us, there aren’t many more steps to take. As those steps slowly add up, we parents hope that we’ve given our children the education they’ll need to make it in that adult world. […]

Preparing For a Tough Exchange
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Preparing For a Tough Exchange

Adoption, Commentary, Daily Living, Mothers Over 50

Preparing For a Tough Exchange

by Tina Traster

In so many ways, Julia is a young soon-to-be twelve year old. Though she’s in middle school, she’s unconcerned with fashion, boys, or other pre-pubescent experimenting.

My daughter Julia, adopted from a Siberian orphanage at 8-months old, is on track intellectually but is still catching up emotionally. She is a wonderful violinist and a gobsmacking artist and an honor student, but she hasn’t yet learned how to make a BFF, nor, and I suppose I should be thankful, she had not attached herself to a clique. My husband and I are her whole world. […]

Seven Tips for Navigating the Adoption Process

by Michelle Eisler

Imagine putting your most treasured desire into the hands of a stranger. Someone you have neither met or seen, with the understanding that days, weeks and months may pass before you hear from them. You are constantly battling the urge to email them to see if your dream is any closer to coming true, but it’s all you can think about.

Building your family through adoption is a matter of trusting in the unknown. Whether you are a waiting parent, hoping to be selected by a potential birth mother or planning to adopt internationally, there is no easy way to make this a reality. Below is a list of suggestions on how to feel like you are making informed choices. […]

Reflections of a Stay-at-Home-Mom (SAHM)

by Melanie Elliott

I became a mom at 45. It wasn’t by design. I met my husband at 35, married at 38, and we tried to start a family six months after we married. To our surprise, that was no easy task.

After three invitros, two inseminations, a frozen embryo transfer and after mixing in four years of acupuncture, various shamans and healers, along with several miscarriages and a too-long process to adopt a baby from China, we finally became parents six ½ years later when we brought our son home from Ethiopia in August 2010. […]

Troubled Child Adoption

by John M. Simmons

Troubled child adoption is about loving enough to accept not being trusted. I learned that by watching my wife’s example. I’ll give you fair warning… if you need compassion and are left to choose between my wife and me, go with my wife. If I don’t like you and can justify my position, I’ll throw you under the bus. Then I’ll eat my dinner and drink a Coke before sleeping through the night like a toddler. My wife is different. If you screeched obscenities at her before hurling yourself under the runaway death-trap, Amy would crawl beneath it to drag you out.

My adopted daughters don’t understand that, though. From their earliest moments, their developing and pliable minds were taught that they could never trust a mother. As much as I’d like to blame that demonic abuser for the suffering of my daughters, in honesty, it’s probably not her fault. […]

My Daughter’s Mothers

Hanni Beyer Lee

My three daughters were all adopted from China at older ages. Despite the immense losses each of them have carried, they have loved me and accepted my affection and care without question.

It doesn’t mean they have not hurt inside or pushed back at me. But they have called me Mama from the get-go and always reached out when they needed me.

My second daughter has a different story. We found her family early on. Her life in a state-run orphanage in the historical city of Nanjing ended at age 7 when I flew there to get her. I presumed she had been one of countless abandoned infants and spent many years with her orphaned peers.

I met Jiawen on an unusually warm evening in March, 1999. Although the flight was predictably excruciating, I was ecstatic. I was pulsing with adrenalin and I felt very confident, having done this the year before. I spoke Mandarin, and China was no longer a wildly foreign place. […]

Adoptive Moms and Mother’s Day

by Jane Samuel

When is a mom really a mom? When do we get to stand up and take the recognition being handed out in the Hallmark card aisle and the pews at church? In the newspapers and May issues of women’s magazines? In the perfume and jewelry departments? In the breakfast-in-bed rooms and brunch-serving restaurants?

In my younger-I-know-it-all days I would have answered, “When you give birth and raise that child you get the card, the flowers, the hugs and kisses.” Then life experience expanded to include miscarriages and adoption. Despite feeling just as fully a mother on those occasions, my perception of myself did not always match the outside world’s opinion of me. Indeed I would be rich if I had a dime for every time I was asked if I was my Asian daughter’s “real mother?” […]

Mother’s Day Month – Essay #1 – The Term “Real Mother” Confuses Us

John M. Simmons

Mothers’ Day has always been a tough one at our house. My wife, Amy, came from a home where she was abused by her father and her mother did nothing to stop it, as long as he provided the meal-ticket.

At fifteen, Amy went into foster care where she was used to raise younger foster children while the parents partied. My daughters suffered unimaginable abuse at the hand of their birth-mother in Russia. My youngest son, Denney, also from that country, was betrayed by his birth parents, too.

Sarah was five when she joined our family. She was plenty old enough to know what was going on and to play a part in life-altering decisions. She’s now fourteen. Recently Sarah came to me and said: “I miss Mama Oksana.” (That’s the name we have always used for the birth-mother of our daughters). “I used to hate her. Is that okay?” Tears filled my eyes as I wrapped my arms around her and told her it was not only okay, but good. Then I told her I loved her and that I was sorry it was so hard. […]

The Wait

by Michelle Eisler

Dust is collecting on your bedroom furniture-you notice when you drag yourself out of bed an hour after your alarm has gone off. You start circling the kitchen, trying to decide if you’re hungry or if you should wash the stack of dishes you’re pretending aren’t there. Mid-afternoon thinking is should you make another cup of coffee to perk up as you check your email for the tenth time.

By 9pm you want to go to bed as you’re exhausted but it seems too early, at 10:30 you have a second wind and decide to watch one more TV show. Come 1am you finally go to bed and promise that at the sound of your alarm you will get up, exercise, and shower before you start your day. And then the cycle starts again. If this sounds familiar, you might be a waiting parent.

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