Adoption Archives - Mothering in the Middle

Adoption’s Teachable Moment #27

by Melanie Elliott

If you’ve been reading my posts, you’ll know that my family is a transracial adoptive family. My husband and I brought our son home with us from Ethiopia nearly 5 years ago when he was a little over a year old.

Since bringing him home, when we are with The Littlest E and sometimes without him, we’ve experienced those awkward and/or uncomfortable moments when someone says something inappropriate (but well meaning at times) about adoption.

They may say something that’s meant to be a joke, but comes off completely off color. Or, they may do something outright rude. When that happens, and it does, I use that as an opportunity for an “Adoption Teaching Moment” as I like to call it. […]

From Death to Life (A Mother’s Circle)

by Laura Jane Murphy

My sister and I were recently able to return my precious mother’s ashes to her birthplace.

Honoring her life, we traveled back to her hometown. This little dot on the map, reminiscent of “Mayberry,” N.C , was established in the eighteenth century by her ancestors.

Mom died almost four years ago. At the time of her passing, my sweet daughter was only ten. Losing her grandmother led to a profound questioning of her own heritage. I will never forget the moment when she spilled her guts out in pain. Grief unleashed the deep sorrow of loss and awareness that she was not of my blood.

In that rare moment of emotional release, crying and in between gasp for air, she asked, “Why? Why wasn’t I wanted?” And, added the sentence, “You don’t know MY PAIN.” […]

Why I Don’t Believe in Coincidence When It Comes To Adoption

by Angie Bahng

When our oldest daughter was born in Korea, my husband and I didn’t know that we were going to be adopting her just one year later. In fact, we didn’t know that she existed. Yet.

But three weeks after her birth, we found ourselves traveling through Incheon Airport, on the way to a trip to China and the border of North Korea. We didn’t know her, and she didn’t know us, but I often think about the coincidence that we were physically so close to each other without even realizing it. […]

How Our Annual FamilyVersary Opens My Heart

by Michelle Eisler

At the end of January, my family of three celebrated our 5th Familyversary or what we call “Family Day.”

I was able to go through the photo album of the day we held our daughter for the first time and talk to her about it all. She was so excited to see the stuffed animal that she still has, and recognize the passage of time from the little baby in the picture to who she is now.

Our homecoming was one that came after many prayers and much support following the earthquake in Haiti. Each year, it is celebrated by many friends and loved ones. […]

A Family Valentine’s Day

by Melanie Elliott

I’m kind of one of those people who consider Valentine’s Day a Hallmark-created holiday. Growing up, I tried not to buy into the importance of the day and the romantic notions that permeate this holiday. I wasn’t quite successful.

There was a part of me that longed for the flowers and chocolates and the boyfriend who’d treat me like a queen on this special day. But, that was only a part of me. The other part of me didn’t want to be defined by whom I was with or how I was treated when February 14 rolled around.

[…]

All I Want for Christmas Is (Watching and Raising) My Little Girl

by Michelle Eisler

In November, my daughter went through the Target wish catalogue and slowly chose one or two things she wanted, and then she got on a roll and started putting stickers beside almost everything. She asked if she could help decorate the house for Christmas, and to keep my sanity I sent her to help my husband put up a garland on our railing.

The tree was mostly done when she came back to help me, and I gave her some snowflakes to spread around randomly on the tree, she again stared off slowly. A few minutes later, I was finding snowflakes bunched on the same branches and all in a concentrated tiny section. The perfectionist in me twitched as I asked her if she could see anything she could change up and she replied ‘no’ with a big smile.

This year, I am seeing life through the eyes of my 5 year old. I am continuing to educate myself to try to provide her with what she needs as she takes big leaps on her journey. […]

The Enigma of Adoption

by John M. Simmons

So… is adoption an institution of saintly parents rescuing abandoned children from orphanages and people who steal Christmas Oranges from orphans?

Is it a multibillion dollar business that exploits young, inexperienced mothers-to-be and pressures them into giving up their babies with tales of how incompetent they are compared to wise and rich parents who have been cursed with infertility but blessed with enough money to buy whatever they want?

Is it a villainous underworld that steals children away from their home countries and cultures? Is adoption a Divine practice? Is it a devil? Is it a sheepskin used to cover wolves? […]

Would You Do It Again?

by John M. Simmons

“Would you do it again?” What kind of a question is that? She’s my daughter! What do you mean, “Would I do it again?”

If you rushed into a burning building to rescue some of your children, and one of them was horrifically damaged before you got to her, you would still drag her out. You would do it even if you got hurt, yourself. You would do it even if she cried to be left behind because her pain was too great. As a parent, you would drag her out, against her will, kicking and screaming.

Then you would get her help. It would be the best help money could buy. You would spare nothing to help her mentally, emotionally and physically. […]

7 Steps for Getting Through the Adoption Process

by Michelle Eisler

I can’t count how many times I have cried for the child I have waited two years to adopt. This is the child I am afraid to meet because once I see and hold him, I will not be able to forget his place in my arms, or be able to ever let him go.

Seeing updated photos of him creates intense joy and grief as his changed face reminds me of the passing of time. Some days, the only way to keep my head above my emotions longing for him is to put him to the back of my mind. But the endless list of unknowns- wondering who he’ll be when he is in our family and what he might be doing right now takes over, and I break. […]

6 Things you might be doing that hurt adoptive families
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6 Things you might be doing that hurt adoptive families

Adoption, Commentary, Daily Living

6 Things you might be doing that hurt adoptive families

by John M. Simmons

Amy and I have always worked hard with our adopted children (oops, even I get it wrong sometimes) “children who were adopted” in an effort to help them avoid feeling offended. We are not sticklers for political correctness. We try to prepare our children for questions or comments that they might encounter and have them ready to understand what people mean, or what their real question is, rather than getting their feelings hurt.

Even so, there are times when people with the best intentions say and do things that make it difficult for our children. Knowing that such friends only want to help, I decided to share these points that will assist well intentioned friends and acquaintances in helping adoptive families like ours. […]