Recently, I read an article in the Washington Post by a 26-year old gay man who was upset about the some 26 million Facebook users who enveloped their profile photos in rainbows. He felt that there was much insincerity on the part of many who were doing nothing more than boosting their own personal PR portraits.
Gay marriage, or marriage, as I hope it will be referred to from here on out, isn’t one man’s struggle. It took a tremendous amount of support from a great number of people to make this change happen. It didn’t happen in 26 years. Some people fought for it and didn’t live to see it.
Considered to be the pivotal event that started the fight for gay rights, I was only two years-old when the Stonewall riots occurred. While I may not have demonstrated, I still support it in my own way and feel it’s part of my history…everyone’s history…here in America.
When I saw the rainbows all over Facebook, I saw 26 million people putting themselves out there saying, YES! Finally! I was not offended in the least. In fact, I was often choked up by some of my friends and acquaintances who also participated.
I was also not offended that Obama took some time to come around and support marriage for all. I knew he would. Clarence Thomas is an anomaly to me, but I had faith in Obama from the beginning. Obama didn’t make his 2008 platform about gay people, but he did say that he did NOT think that homosexuality was immoral. Further, he said, “…we’ve got to make sure that everybody is equal under the law.”
At the time he was in support of civil unions. Later, in 2012 he would be the first presiding Commander in Chief to support freedom to marry. Obama did this before his second term election. President Clinton, conversely, signed DOMA before his second term election out of fear he would lose if he didn’t. Obama supported the end of DOMA, thankfully.
It has been a long struggle, longer than my own 17 year involvement. In 2000, my now-husband and I had a civil ceremony at an Inn in Burlington, Vermont witnessed by my best friend and his then girlfriend. We fell in love and wanted to get married, but at the time our only option was a civil union. On the day we were “unioned,” Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands signed the first gay marriage bill. It didn’t go into effect until 1 April 2001. Canada would actually beat the Netherlands to the finish line and be the first country to legalize same-sex marriage in our time on January 14, 2001.
Even though my unioned-partner and I weren’t “married,” we felt legally joined. And, it was a good first step. In the summer of 2001 we had a ceremony surrounded by friends and family officiated by a minister in our dear friends’ garden. That same year we went to city hall and registered as domestic partners. We were crossing every “T”and dotting every “I” to protect ourselves legally, but also to let the world know we are committed to each other.
In February 2004, when San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom asked city clerks to allow marriage licenses to all couples who applied, we booked a flight at the end of March. On March 11, the city clerks offices were instructed by the California Supreme Court to stop issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. Our flight still booked, we made the journey to San Francisco anyway. We walked up to the city clerk’s office where we asked for, and were summarily denied, a license. We renewed our vows on the steps of City Hall and celebrated our love just the same.
The licenses and marriages that did take place between February and March of 2004 were later voided in August of the same year.
The California Supreme Court ruled that barring same sex marriage is unconstitutional (In re-Marriage Cases) and we were finally allowed to legally marry on June 16, 2008 in California. Our excitement, however, was short lived. In November of that same year, a bill known as Proposition 8 was passed. Same sex marriages ceased… for the time being. Those voided marriages from 2004 still echoed in our thoughts. We, along with other couples, who had married between June and November of 2008 were now in limbo.
We waited for almost five long years… during which time our son was born…until Prop 8 was at long-last struck down, and found unconstitutional in the state of California. And after a long battle, as of June 26, 2015 the United States of America became the 18th country to legalize marriage between same sex couples. Also, as of June 26, my husband and I no longer have to file extra tax returns (at an extra cost), our children will not know their country to be an unequal place for our family, and I feel nothing but joy that we are finally here.
Not everyone came on board with support for marriage equality in the beginning. For many it was a no-brainer; some took a long time to come around, and others, still, never will. But I’ll take anybody’s rainbow saturated picture as a sign that we have come a long way and it’s time to stop pointing fingers just celebrate.
My pride is not just for being a part of the gay community, but for being an equal part of America. In spite of our five ceremonies, we have recently discussed having a vow renewal ceremony. And I cannot wait to renew our wedding vows with our children by our side and our rainbow-covered country at our back.