I always knew that I wanted to be a mother, but at age 34 with a diagnosis of PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and not yet married, that dream was still out of sight. 

I knew that getting pregnant would involve some medical intervention, but I didn’t think too much about it because I was not ready to be a mother.  When I met my future husband, Alan, we both knew that children would be part of our future.   One year later I was married and one step closer to the whole fairy tale.

From the time I learned I had PCOS, at age 28, I knew that getting pregnant would require some medical help.  Alan and I talked about our family options even before we were married.  Adoption was always on the table, but I felt that I needed to at least try to get pregnant.  I found a great fertility specialist and enthusiastically started treatments.  […]

“For years I was on the outside looking in, watching friends juggling their time, wiping little noses and strapping small folk into car seats. I felt for them. sometimes, wondered if they felt they’d lost their sense of who they were – the marketing director, the linguistics expert, the party girl, the intrepid explorer, the physiotherapist. Some seemed to get low craving a previous existence, looking wistfully out over the tiny crockery piled high in the kitchen sink or chatting late at night about how they didn’t feel very “me” any more. Now, I’m part of the club, I’m one of them, only I feel that I’ve found the missing part of me, the piece that makes me truly ‘me.’

I’m a mother and I cherish, relish and grasp every moment. I want to shout it from the rooftops and leap for joy every time I hear the sound of little feet dashing down the corridor towards me. Every night time, “Mummy” warms my heart, whatever the time.  I am me: Ellie, writer, researcher, marketer, Springsteen fan and most importantly and above all else, MOTHER. And it’s the absolute heart of who I am.” – Ellie Stoneley

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“Before becoming a mother, at age 39, I would have said “no.” I would have been wrong. As my ‘mama bear’ self immerges, the defining elements as to why I am where I am have come into vivid view. Passion and purpose are now braided together. Engagement in efforts to make a profound difference for my children now and in the future, is what drives me – not professional achievement or career status.” – Maureen O’Neill-Davis

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“The most defining role a woman can have is […]

The Wilderness of Motherhood

by Lora Freeman Williams

….One of the deepest wounds of my childhood had been that I learned I did not matter. My hungers and desires were a burden to my mother who could barely feed and shelter me. My noise disrupted her already scattered thoughts.  My observations didn’t fit with her twisted ones, and she told me I was wrong.

And so, in order to survive, I had agreed with her. I hid my hungers from even myself; I became quiet to avoid disturbing anyone; I kept my thoughts to myself because exposing them just exposed me to ridicule.

And in this very early time of Isaac’s life, my little spark of life got so low and small and so critically essential to my child’s well-being, that I began to protect and nurture it. I took my precious little time alone to write an essay or two about what I was learning. I started to notice that some people actually gave me more energy than they took, and I sought them out. I learned that sucking up the happy moments of my life was a balm that healed the wounds of my youth, and I allowed myself the freedom to do that.

I learned to pay attention, even in the inevitable miserable moments of parenting, because my presence with myself and with my son fed us both. I learned that I could be kind and compassionate to both my son and to myself in the middle of the pains of life, and one step at a time along the path, I practiced doing that…….