I always knew that I wanted to be a mother, but at age 34 with a diagnosis of PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and not yet married, that dream was still out of sight.
I knew that getting pregnant would involve some medical intervention, but I didn’t think too much about it because I was not ready to be a mother. When I met my future husband, Alan, we both knew that children would be part of our future. One year later I was married and one step closer to the whole fairy tale.
From the time I learned I had PCOS, at age 28, I knew that getting pregnant would require some medical help. Alan and I talked about our family options even before we were married. Adoption was always on the table, but I felt that I needed to at least try to get pregnant. I found a great fertility specialist and enthusiastically started treatments.
I’ve always been the type of person to plan everything out as best I can, but getting pregnant was out of my hands. I had left my job to concentrate on starting our family and since I had so much free time, I started researching local adoption agencies. It started as a way to fill my time with something useful, but after my first miscarriage, my research became a comfort to know that I could still be a mother.
Fast forward 5 years and countless unsuccessful fertility treatments, all my research started to pay off. I had narrowed down the agencies to my top three picks. After several informational meetings, Alan and I decided the best fit for us was Adoption Associates. We still had not made the decision if we would do an International or Domestic adoption.
To me, it really didn’t matter which direction we went, I just knew I wanted to be a mother. It was an unexpected visit from my cousin and her 6 month old that helped us make the choice to adopt an infant domestically. I made a comment about how much baby Eli had changed since I last saw him and Alan just said “We’re doing domestic.” The decision had been made.
We started the Home Study process in November 2012 and finally completed the piles of paperwork in March of 2013. We were Home Study approved and ready to become parents. I didn’t think it would take long to be matched, after all we are a great couple and financially secure, but as I was soon to learn, so are the other 70 waiting families at our agency.
So we waited…and waited…and waited.
During our initial information meeting with our agency we learned of the benefits of a designated adoption, where the adoptive parents rather than the agency find the birth mother. So, once our profile was completed I started making business cards and flyers to hand out. I quickly learned that our family and friends would be our best advocates as they helped us hand out over 100 business cards, but I never imagined using Facebook or Twitter to connect with a potential birth mother.
One of the reasons I chose Adoption Associates was the way they educate both the adoptive parents and the birth mothers they work with. Our caseworker had sent out an email to let us know about a waiting families meeting on networking with social media. I had heard stories about couples connecting with their birth mother online, but I was not completely sure how to go about it, so Alan and I eagerly attended the meeting.
The leader of the meeting was an adoptive mother who had met her son’s birth mother by blogging about her adoption journey. Her story had ignited a spark of hopefulness in me and as soon as we got home I logged onto the computer and started building our Facebook page, Alan and Jennifer’s Adoption Page.
Within a month we had a message from a friend-of-a-friend that knew a pregnant woman who was considering adoption! Bingo, we had done it! Not so fast, this match did not work out for us. We knew this might happen, but I was able to overlook the hurt feeling and concentrate on the idea that Facebook had worked. I quickly expanded our network channels to include Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram and Tumblr.
A popular misconception about adoption is that the other waiting families are competition. I will admit I thought this way as well, at first. However, I soon learned that these couples were just like Alan and me: they were looking for the same thing I wanted – a family. While the primary goal of networking is to find a birth mother, I soon learned that I was creating my own support group. I had connected with other waiting families from all across the US. Some had already found their birth mothers and others were like us, still searching. The idea of other waiting families being competition started to crumble.
The support and encouragement Alan and I have received from other hopeful adoptive couples has been overwhelming and I’d like to think that I have touched their lives in a similar way. We use each other for networking ideas, learning from each other’s successes and offering words of support when adoptions fail. We feel the pain of a birth mother changing her mind and the joy of a completed adoption journey. Competition has turned into camaraderie.
A year later, we have not had any other serious connections with potential birth mothers, but we have almost 500 people following our adoption journey on Facebook. Alan and I are still working closely with our adoption agency, but adoption networking has pretty much become my full-time job. I continue to network with Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr, Instagram and I’ve recently launched a web site. While connecting with a potential birth mother is still our main goal, I have found that networking with other hopeful adoptive families can also be a benefit.
This year Alan and I will celebrate our 5th anniversary and we are facing being first time parents at age 40 and 47. Are we scared? Not of being parents, but that a potential birth mother may not choose us because of our ages. If we could get a message to any potential birth mother it would be that we are ready to be parents and can’t wait to have a baby. We’re ready for the sleepless nights, temper tantrums and teenage years. We pray for it every day.
Jennifer, age 39, is a hopeful mother through the roller coaster ups and downs of domestic infant adoption. After years of unsuccessful fertility treatments, Jennifer and her husband Alan started the long and emotional journey into adoption. After 10 years of being a travel agent, Jennifer retired to concentrate on becoming a full-time mother. Her days are now filled with Facebook, Twitter and other forms of social media to connect with a potential birth mother. When she is able to disconnect from the internet, Jennifer enjoys photography, being in the kitchen baking up some yummy goodies and planning special dates for her and Alan. Jennifer can’t wait for her days to be filled with diapers, bottles and sleeping babies. Yes, babies…Jennifer dreams of twins!
Follow Jennifer and her adoption journey http://www.alanjenniferadopt.com/#