The first time I did yoga, I was 49 years old – not a midlife mother, but clearly mid-life. I walked into a small studio bathed in white. Something about the atmosphere made me feel relaxed and calm—even before I did any postures. It was a difficult time in my life. I needed peace and a respite from a set of family problems. I walked in feeling uptight and edgy; I walked out after class in another place. I knew the problems were still there but they felt more distant and I was less emotional about them.Yoga is my home. It doesn’t matter whether I’m standing on one foot in tree pose on my mat in my own bedroom or in a motel room a thousand miles away: I feel centered and grounded. When I come off the mat, I take that feeling with me and it gives me comfort and confidence to be myself—wherever I am or whoever I’m with.
Yoga means union, or to unite or come together. This definition can be interpreted in many ways. For me, the union is internal: feeling at one with myself. When I feel this way, I’m better able to meet the crises and challenges that are a natural part of living. I can handle difficult situations with more confidence because I’m connected to my inner voice and respond from my core, rather than being unduly influenced by those around me. My practice keeps me centered and balanced.
It can do the same thing for you. As an older mother, you may encounter criticism and disapproval for the choices you’ve made. Having a regular practice can keep you grounded so you stay strong and steady despite the flak you may receive from others. This will benefit you as well as your whole family.
The latest trend boasts that yoga is for everybody and for every body. I believe this too, but that doesn’t mean that a practice that’s right for a 25-year-old woman is also appropriate for someone who is 50 or 60 years old. Women at midlife and older have special needs, just as women who are pregnant have particular needs. It is possible to develop a practice for each particular group that is appropriate for their unique situation.
That means we need to modify our practices to acknowledge our age and the stage of life we’re in. We live in such a youth-oriented culture that it’s easy to be influenced by images of svelte young bodies on the covers of yoga magazines. Making these images a goal, however, may not be the best thing for our health or wellbeing.
The emphasis of practice shifts as we get older. At 30 you may have thrilled at accomplishing a handstand or doing 12 Sun Salutations without stopping. At midlife, we still need stretching and strengthening, but we’re more interested in protecting and preserving our physical and emotional health than in perfecting postures. This means that if we wake up with stiffness, we may need to do more warm ups. Or we may do fewer poses and choose to concentrate on simpler ones. Or we may decide to practice in a chair on a day that we’re low on energy or need external support to help stabilize us.
We also become more reflective as we reach midlife. We’ve experienced loss on many levels and have weathered an enormous range of experiences that have made us stronger and have increased our compassion for others as well as for ourselves. With the awareness we’ve gained at midlife comes a yearning for a more meaningful life. As an active mother, of course, you want to stay fit and limber, but many of us also come to yoga seeking something deeper: a stronger link to our soul, a way to understand our place in the changing world, and a more relevant spiritual connection.
Consequently, we become more interested in the meditative aspects and rewards of yoga. A practice that is purely physical is less satisfying as we get older. We’re drawn to the multi-layered meaning of yoga and its implications for our lives. This may result in a shorter practice of postures and a longer meditation; or doing a leisurely, meditative practice focusing on the breath, rather than a physically demanding one.
Whatever form your practice takes, you’ll reap the benefits as an older mother. Your strength, energy and flexibility will increase. Your balance will improve. You’ll sleep better and feel sharper mentally. You’ll begin to develop an inner sense of calm that will enable you to meet those challenging situations you experience with self-assurance and certainty.
You may think you don’t have time to add one more activity to your busy schedule, but you’ll probably find that after doing yoga, you have more energy and are more present for your family.
Most importantly, yoga will bring you home. It can help you navigate this new landscape with grace and vitality. Yoga encourages self-reflection and teaches us awareness, acceptance and gratitude. Through yoga, we can learn to live in the moment and cherish each day of our amazing journey.
Patricia Gottlieb Shapiro, MSW, RYT, is an award-winning author who chronicles women’s midlife issues. She has written or co-authored eight nonfiction books, including her most recent book, Coming Home to Yourself: 18 Wise Women Reflect on Their Journeys. This blog is adapted from her book, Yoga for Women at Midlife & Beyond: A Home Companion. Pat specializes in writing and speaking on issues of women at midlife and beyond, and friendship. She is also a yoga instructor whose group classes and private lessons are tailored to women at midlife and older; she is also a writing instructor and coach. She lives in Santa Fe, NM with her husband. They have two grown children and four grandchildren. For more information, see her website, www.wisewomenalive.com