Courtesy, DeAnna Scott Photography
This is my 46th New Year and my 1st as a mom! As I hold my daughter Phoebe, I start thinking about all the firsts that we, as a family, have to look forward to this year. It is all so joyously overwhelming! My twins will learn how to crawl and then walk; say their first words, and maybe join them together to make sentences. They will learn how to hug and kiss. And, most exciting of all, they will turn One! Oh yay, a birthday party! For these reasons, I embrace the New Year like I have never in my past 46 years – with a new gratefulness and excited anticipation.
Then, I begin to think about New Year resolutions. Even though I am a different person, I am, after all, a MOM now. I still feel obliged to make them – I expect them to be the same ones as the year before, and the year before that. I speak them out loud – lose weight, save money, work out, eat healthier…
I look down at my daughter and she gives me a big grin showing off her two brand-new teeth. Oh silly girl I say, don’t you realize that I have completely failed at keeping my resolutions all these years?
She continues to smile, letting out a melodic little coo.
I kiss the tip of her nose and realize that she doesn’t care about resolutions, and she certainly doesn’t care about mommy losing weight or saving money. She simply cares that her belly is full, that she is warm and she is dry – perhaps in equal measure to being adequately entertained. I frankly wouldn’t want it any other way.
I might as well admit it – I hate New Year resolutions. For one thing, making resolutions which start on January 1st is simply an excuse to procrastinate, and a traditional excuse at that. Don’t get me wrong, January 1st is as good a day as any to start doing things which will benefit you and your family, but really, why wait?
And don’t forget what always seems to happen later in the year. Failure. That feeling when those earnestly-made resolutions have fallen by the wayside – overcome by events – the list of excuses can be long or not. At least this is what usually happens to me. I know I am in good company since I’ve read that less than 10% of people are actually successful at keeping their resolutions.
So what does this feeling of failure look like? For me, it takes the shape of waking each morning reminding myself that I still need to lose weight and to stop eating crazy stuff that isn’t good for me. Or, it could be experiencing buyer’s remorse after buying a new suit (a new suit that I had to buy because I gained weight from eating all that stuff that wasn’t good for me) and scolding myself for not saving the money and just making do with what I had. And, reminding myself again to lose weight so I can fit into what I already have. Simply put, it makes for a lot of critical, unproductive and at times, cruel internal dialogue.
This is exactly the sort of destructive self-talk that I do not want my children to experience, especially as a result of self-imposed set-ups for failure encouraged by many, otherwise known as New Year’s resolutions. So what’s a new mom to do?
This new mom will demonstrate and teach my children that first of all they need to love themselves – their bodies, love their quirks, their strengths, their silly sides, their serious sides, their passions, their life – the good the bad and the ugly. I will teach them how to set realistic and attainable goals and what to do if they don’t achieve those goals. At the end of the day, they will learn that it is ok to fall, and yes it is a cliché but they must learn to brush themselves off, and pull themselves up by the boot straps and just keep going.
So for me, 2014 won’t be another year of making the same old resolutions. This is a new beginning for me and my family. I will look forward to the many blessings and celebrate each milestone – big or small. Perhaps my jumping for joy when my kids take their first steps or kiss me for the first time will help get rid of a few extra pounds. But no matter what – we will have a wonderful 2014 with no guilt and no failure – and I have decided that this shall be my resolution!