You might think it unusual that I read parenting magazines; that I know women by their children’s names; and that most women who speak with me are grandmothers – around my own age! However, what you don’t know is that at age 52, I’m actually the mom (The Baby-Daddy) of the household – not what I expected to be at my age, but one that clearly enhances and supports my family unit.How does a middle-aged professional male go from Wall Street to Mr. Midlife Mom? Well, check your ego or id at the door, and embrace the precious gift you have been given. Then, love your wife, who, in my case put love for our son above her most important desire in life – that is, being the primary caretaker and a stay-at-home Mom. Her sacrifice for the betterment of our son set a high bar for me to live up to.
But let me share our story: Three years ago, after my wife and I received an email and phone call from our adoption agency and birth Mom, I drove across the country while my wife flew to get our newborn son. By Christmas, we found ourselves brand new first-time parents. The adoption process and instant family is itself a wondrous story, but add into it my new role and you have the new world order – that is, stay home dads. How we get there isn’t as important as the fact that we are here.
Please note that I do not take my new role or our role reversal lightly, nor do I feel my son will be disadvantaged by having me the daytime “go to” parent. If anything, he will come to learn how to do household chores and fix it chores at the same time. He will learn and play with Dad while we get things done, albeit a lot slower than it use to take. In fact, the time factor was and is the biggest challenge to being a Mr. Mom. Getting the guy stuff done while having a infant turned toddler attached is a feat Moms rarely do.
From an emotional perspective, being Mr. Mom has been a serious mindset change. No longer am I fulfilling my own destination through work or professional development. Now I have to trust my wife’s abilities and focus on our son’s development. It is, in one respect, a sense of loss while at the same time a huge relief. The inability to spend as I want is gone as is the willingness to take on risk and stress. My independence of thought is now been replaced with how will this add to my son’s developement.
My wife has in her role taken on the stress of sole provider. That is, from a guy’s perspective, a huge relief. For me, the real stress will be re-entering the workforce as a mid-age male who has been a stay at home dad. That’s a topic to discuss later. For now, being here, in my new role is a creative process filled with laughter, love and unique problem solving.
HERE ARE THE FACTS: According to the Profile America Facts for Features (CB12-FF.11 dated May 2, 2012) there are “176,000 estimated number of stay-at-home dads in 2011. These married fathers with children younger than 15 have remained out of the labor force for at least one year primarily so they can care for the family while their wives work outside the home. These fathers cared for upwards of 332,000 children.(Source: America’s Families and Living Arrangements <http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam.html> Table FG8 )
By the same token, 17% percentages of preschoolers were regularly cared for by their father during their mother’s working hours as of 2010. (Source: Who’s Minding the Kids? Child Care Arrangements: Spring 2010 <http://www.census.gov/hhes/childcare/data/sipp/2010/tables.html>)
Douglas C. married at age 48. His previous careers included archeology, banking (as an Assistant Manager of a Savings and Loan), capped by 25 years on the Nasdaq trading desks. He is the stepfather to three 30-somethings and three stepgrandchildren.